My clients have complete confidentiality,
but I can tell you some general discoveries several clients have made.
Getting to the
Heart of the Matter
Samuel, a successful businessman felt
like a failure because of difficulties with his son and eventually
turned to coaching. This communication problem actually turned out to be a self-esteem issue.
Sam felt like such a failure as a father that he wasn't giving himself
credit for his success in the other areas of his life. One homework
assignment I gave Sam was to ask 5 different people what the saw were
his gifts and challenges. From this simple (but hard to do) exercise,
Sam began to see what a tremendous impact he had on the people he worked
with. He was particularly surprised at the high value his clients put on
this didn't solve Sam's communication problems with his son, it changed
his outlook on life. He no longer felt like a failure because he could
clearly see the impact his life had on others and he realized his
importance in his community. Feeling more successful allowed him to
communicate better with his son and their relationship improved.
Living Your Purpose
Like many clients, Susan was finding her work
frustrating and exhausting. Things kept going wrong. Secretaries left,
colleagues were squabbling, messages were lost, and she was held
responsible for far too many projects. One of her work responsibilities
was to attract more women to a trade union that was dominated by men.
She is an incredibly attractive woman working in a man’s world. In some
ways this was good because she was a feminine voice that many of the men
listened to. In other ways, she felt like the token woman or a sex
As part of her coaching, I asked Susan to visualize a
symbol of her purpose in this job. She saw the Statue of Liberty and she
resonated with “give me your tired, your poor…” Susan began using that
symbol to guide her decisions. Not only did she attract far more women
into the union, the work frustrations seemed to have evaporated. As an
ultimate distinction, Susan was elected to a high position in the
union—the first woman ever to hold an elected position! The last I heard
from her, life was busy but exciting and meaningful. It was wonderful to
see how Susan bloomed after stepping into her role as the Statue of
Liberty. It was incredibly rewarding to work with a woman who wanted to
make a difference in the world.
Sanford called me because he had read Gay and Katie
Hendricks book, Conscious Loving. He wanted help with a troubled
marriage. I began working with both of them, when it became evident that
this marriage was going to end in divorce, I continued to coach Sanford.
Sanford wanted to end the relationship with integrity and dignity.
Here’s what resulted from our coaching:
When he became overgenerous in the
settlement of property, he realized he was reacting to his sense of
failure as a husband and father. He struggled to set good boundaries. He
learned to forgive himself for his mistakes. He was determined to do
When his wife was slinging mud, he
looked at each accusation and asked if it was true. If it was, he
committed to change. When confronted with lies, he looked for the kernel
of truth and held it up to examine his part in it. He worked very hard
to learn from his mistakes so that he wouldn’t make them over and over
When the dust settled after the
divorce, Sanford started dating. He found he kept finding women who were
similar to his wife (and not surprising, similar to his mother, too). He
dug deep to discover why he was attracted to the same kind of woman over
and over again. In looking at himself with clarity, he began to see what
he was longing for – someone who appreciated his talents and abilities,
someone who took him seriously, someone who loved freedom and
independence but who was also enlivened by a committed relationship.
Sanford eventually saw that first he had to give these things to
himself. He had to take his work seriously. He had to appreciate his
talents. He had to cultivate independence before he could be in a
As a result, Sanford's flagging
business started to thrive. Sanford spend 6 months not dating so that he
could find what he liked about himself. He liked his generosity and his
compassion. He indulged his love of photography and riding his
motorcycle. He allowed his incredible mind to generate new ideas and
began to bring them into reality for his clients. Sanford was becoming a
whole person, complete and resourceful.
After two and a half years, Sanford
decided to go it alone, without a coach. Things have gone somewhat like
when he had a coach, some things work, some things don’t. Problems still
arise, but he is far more capable of handling them on his own. I see a
happier, wiser, more confident man these days and I feel privileged to
have worked with someone so determined to make his life better and not
to hurt anyone in the process.
Why Am I Doing
After the birth of her second baby,
Cheryl, was wondering if she should go back to her career. She told me
how fulfilling it was and how successful she had been in reaching her
high position in the company. At the same time, she was really drawn to
being a full time mother. How could she decide?
First I had Cheryl and her husband
evaluate the financial pictures of the various scenarios. It turned out
they could live almost as comfortably on one salary. Then I had Cheryl
brainstorm about the options she had. She remembered a life long dream--to live in Europe with her family. When she
got clear about the possibilities, she was better able to make a
decision. Ultimately she choose to stay home until the kids were in
school. At the same time, she began to explore how they could move to
Europe. Having this dream and working toward it with her husband gave
her a tremendous sense of accomplishment. She realized that she felt as
successful as she had at her high powered job. In addition, she felt far
less stress and had much more fun. Her children are thriving and the
family is quite happy.
Health Related Coaching
In addition to a coach, I am also a natural health consultant. Some clients have recurring health
problems that have connections in the emotional-spiritual realm. Here are a few stories:
My ideas about fibroids have come
from Dr. Christiane Northrup and her books, Women's Bodies, Women's
Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause. Several female clients with fibroids have
explored the idea of putting their creative energy into dead-end
activities or relationships. One realized that her job was totally
unsuitable for her temperament and has found a different employer in a
more compatible area. Another has realized that her relationship with
her husband is not fulfilling and has instituted couple's counseling. A
third has become aware of her deep passion for painting and has added
this creative outlet to her weekly schedule.
One of my clients complained of ulcers.
When I asked, "What's eating you up?" she responded,
"My marriage!" She entered couples therapy with her husband and
they are creating a more healthy relationship.
Bladder Infections When I asked a female client who had her
10th bladder infection in three years, "Who pisses you
off?" and "What relationship do you need to let go of?"
she admitted that she was really in a bad relationship with her
boyfriend. She eventually "ditched" him.
How I Work
Is Coaching for You?